Often after a breakup there can be a lot of hurt and disappointment. People often feel a failure or they may be distraught at what has been said and done. Time can heal some of those feelings, and some people succeed in eventually managing to have an amiable relationship with their ex. This is especially beneficial if there are children involved in the relationship. Let us look at the ways to manage the situation well from the outset.
- Some people start their official commitment to each other with a pre-nuptial agreement. This can seem a little cynical when they are feeling so in love with each other. But pre-nuptial agreements are becoming more common, especially with high-wealth individuals. It can be a good idea to sort out the details whilst still feeling positive about the relationship. After all, no one complains about taking out an insurance policy on their property or possessions. We do not feel that we are being cynical or negative about insuring our security in the eventuality of something unfortunate happening. We feel that it is the responsible thing to do.
- Relationship counselling can be a useful step to help a couple appreciate their differences. If one person feels that the other is being unreasonable or over-reacting about a situation Relationship counselling can help to address and iron out the reasons for the mis-match in communications. If a person has come from a dysfunctional background, or experienced divorce, bullying, betrayal, they may be especially sensitive to rejection or feeling disrespected. Relationship counselling can help improve communications and understanding, whatever the eventual outcome with the relationship.
- Collaborative law is the humane way to divorce. Sitting around a table with both parties and their lawyers can ensure that the process works more smoothly and stays away from the courts. Both parties have to agree to the process but it works on treating everyone as adults. The view is that ‘we do not want to be together anymore, let us separate and move on with mutual respect and dignity’.
- The truth is, our ex often knows us better than anyone. They have known about our adult day-to-day fears, issues, concerns and shared and maybe supported us with them. They at one time loved us, made us laugh, made us feel special, wanted to be with us. When a split occurs it may be impossible to retrieve the relationship fully, but keeping a part of it in our lives may work for both people.
- Some people find that they get on better after the divorce. The day-to-day arguments and issues have been removed. All the niggles and tension do not feature anymore and they can become two individual people again. It is not uncommon for a couple to get back together again after a split. The time apart can make the heart grow fonder and often they have had time to reflect on what went wrong.
- Some people may have got together when they were very young and did not know what they wanted or how to behave in a relationship. Some people found their roles changed after they married and they became frustrated at being a stay-at-home mother or having the pressure of being a major breadwinner. After time apart both people can come into their own again, become their own person, start doing the things that suit them better and maybe become friends again with their ex, but on a different, more appropriate footing.
Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
